hereirawr

Women on the Spectrum RAWRing for Quality of Life

Looking Back, Looking Forward

Approval Not Required

Some acceptance hoped for. Approval? NOT required. You may keep it, it doesn’t belong to me. Many fear my admission, but I’m not afraid to say: I’M AUTISTIC. Your fear is your responsibility. Not mine.

This space has been fallow, so that I could pursue my own healing.  I’d love to report that healing is complete, and all is clear, but this is a journey not a destination.  Progress has been made, and looking back over this blog I think it might be time to pick up again where I left off a couple years ago.  Hope you’ll join me.  I always wanted this space to be a beacon of hope, where the messages were positive and uplifting, but still very real.  That got to be too hard for me to maintain, because I was still healing some very serious issues.

In my time away, I have confronted and made great strides in healing long term emotional abuse, childhood sexual abuse and my own co-dependency.  Those journeys aren’t over, by any means, but I think I have some productive things to say about them now to this audience.  I’ve stared down the darkness of my own failures, grief and autism burnout and I came out the other end more whole and content than ever before in my life.

It was hard.  Some days it still is.  But overall, I’m in a very positive place.

Thank you for reading and for joining me on this journey.  I hope that each and every one of you is also finding your own balance, your own unique and beautiful way of being.  If you haven’t, maybe some of the things I have to share will help you find your own pathway to your own sense of peace.

Today I look forward and back with a great sense of gratitude.  Being thankful for what we have is at the heart of finding your own way to a happier life–whether you’re an ASDie or an NT.  It can be a prayer you say by heart, or a powerful feeling, but when you truly mean it magic is sure to follow.  There was a time when all I could think of to be grateful for was the air moving in and out of my lungs–and it took work to actually scare up any palpable feelings of gratitude.  It was worth the work.

There are people I miss and have had to say good bye to on this journey, and these times of reflection always have me grateful for their presence in my life–temporary is the way of things, and it makes certain relationships just all the more precious.  Sending my thanks over the years and miles, and wishing peace and good journey to all of my distanced loved ones.  It is important to dwell on the release of that gratitude, to not hold it close and precious like a jewel enthroned in a sealed velvet box.  Send those thanks out, and don’t hold them too precious, you still have to live your live in now.  But some days, some few important days, it is good to look over your shoulder and wish your past well.

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One thought on “Looking Back, Looking Forward

  1. I recently discovered your blog and enjoy it immensely. Thanks for the encouragement and I continue to wish you healing.

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